"Life is difficult.
"This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths.* It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."
*The first of the Four Noble Truths which Buddha taught was "Life is suffering".
Thus begins the marvelous work "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck, in which we learn to love despite difficulty, to relish that which we used to think was painful, to appreciate that we cannot grow as humans without discomfort, and that death is what gives life all its meaning.
I read the book for the first time nearly 15 years ago. It has been transformative, this knowledge. I didn't become a better person overnight, but I have contemplated the words, and considered them as I go through life and meet obstacles. One of the things that comes from this fundamental truth is this: you can learn to do or be good at anything you wish, if you put in the time to do so. It's that simple. Where do you choose to put your time and effort?
Another corollary is that there is great benefit to the practice of delayed gratification. On an immediate level, this means that you won't buy a big-screen TV until you have the cash in the bank. So, when Terminator IV comes out, you'll supply the beer and watch at a friend's house. However, when the economy turned down, your friend was selling the TV and having collectors calling him, while you were doing fine, because you had no debt and could tolerate a crappy job working at half what you used to get paid.
Last January, I was miserable, briefly. I was building planter boxes. Why, oh why, did I choose to do it now? I'd just bought the house, why not wait for good weather? But I knew the value in doing this. And so, this past weekend, I had that backyard cookout with newfound friends, and we made the most tasty french fries with my newly-harvested red potatoes from those planter boxes. Yum.
This weekend, with allergies all active, I did some work on the fence, clearing out all the growth under it, trenching a bit, laying in weed barrier and then rock. Grueling work, but I know that I will never have to manually trim against those 300 feet of fenceline again. You make an investment, you reap the rewards.
Socrates has said that "The unexamined life is not worth living." I think what M.Scott Peck's book did for me was to help me start examining my life. How did I use love? As a way to pamper others, or as a tool for self-gratification? Did I manipulate people through fear, or by easing their fears, did I gain true friends? Peck's book was not the last I have read, but one of many since. Short-subject books that can lead to self-examination include "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff--and It's All Small Stuff" and "Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart". Start thinking.
Part of self-examination is to ask why you are doing what you are doing? And, better yet, why are you doing what you're about to do? Per Danny Cox: "The past transitions quickly into the future at a control point called Now." Everything you reap in life happens because of the decisions you make in that control point called Now. View these in light of a priority list. The list should be short, and broad, and life-focused, not thing-focused. I like the one posited by a 3rd century BC philosopher: "Who am I, if I am not for me? and being for my own self alone, what am I? and if not now, when?" Translating this ancient speak into modern English? 1) Your highest priority is your own mental, physical, spiritual, emotional and financial health...because you will be nobody else's number one priority. 2) The only reason for you to maintain yourself in such condition is to be of benefit to other humans. 3) Before taking any action, determine whether it contributes to #1 or #2.
To re-state this in a formatted manner:
1) Your highest priority is your own mental, physical, spiritual, emotional and financial health...because you will be nobody else's number one priority.
2) The only reason for you to maintain yourself in such condition is to be of benefit to other humans.
3) Before taking any action, determine whether it contributes to #1 or #2.
Almost anything you choose to do can fit this list. Recreation, which literally means re-creating yourself, is important to your own self-preservation. It is better to not be mindless. Hours spent exercising are definitely good for your soul, but hours spent watching TV may not be so good. Still, for some people who are new to being productive, it can be a strain to be "always on" until you have learned to relish the activity. Having a drink now and then can also be seen to be recreational, but if you find that your whole day is spent yearning to get drunk that night, it has probably moved too far and is no longer truly taking care of yourself, but is into abuse.
For the second item, being of service to others, this doesn't have to be volunteering at the food bank. Being a truly good friend is also service to others. Going to work, and doing your job because you truly believe in serving customers is also service to others, even if you get paid for it. Going to work just to get a paycheck so you can satisfy your own inner cravings is a service to nobody, and you should consider quitting, so you can find a job that's right for you. You can get carried away, though. If a friend is out of work and sponges off you too long and for too much, it can cause you depression, lead to troubles in your own family life, and lead you into financial trouble. Remember the priorities in that list - #1 is you, not others. If you fail to maintain your own set of strengths, you will cease being of any value to others...work, friends, lovers, etc.
The third item became a rallying cry for Ronald Reagan. "If not now, when?". What are you doing this moment? Are you improving yourself, or are you doing for others?
In the fifteen years since I read that first self-help book, I have evolved from being one who had more debt than income, who was so fed up with things that I never got things done...you get the idea...to one who other look up to as a model of productivity, who is not in the least self-serving.
And yet, I do not shirk at #1. For instance, one of my vices is fast cars. Or, I should say, one fast car. But I am sure it is for me. Unlike the street racers, my fast car is not meant to prove I'm superior to others or to gain attention. In fact, it's an ordinary-looking car: your grandmother would have no qualms getting in it. But I like the feel of a fast car. I love the stiff suspension, feeling all the bumps in the road, and I love the pressure on my back when I press the throttle pedal. There is a safety aspect: I appreciate having passing power when I'm headed of for a weekend of skiing and need to pass a double-bottomed semi while climbing a mountain on a two-lane road at 12,000 feet elevation. The car was purchased used, and a few modifications done, but all was done with cash, after I had cleared every debt, including mortgage. Part of how I chose where to live is that there are some marvelous twisty country roads very close, with good visibility for safety. Throwing the car into a turn good and hard is a thrill. If something frustrates me, taking a spin in the car can release that...or so can going for a bike ride or a run..I have managed to have several release mechanisms.
How do you evaluate your life? What have you done that has improved the lives of others? Are you in a position to even do so? An obese woman is not seen as a good diet counselor, and a person in debt is not seen as a good financial counselor. Take care of #1 first...get healthy, e.g. out of debt, physically fit, then you build up from there into the fast car if that's your thing, or the great home entertainment system, if that's your thing.
And above all...lead the examined life. It is well worth living.
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